Beautiful Losers - Part Seven

I had expected the confrontation to end in sex on a table. But no. Sebastian, being Sebastian and more of an enigma with every passing hour, gave me a tour of the masks lying on the table; he explained each one in turn. It seemed that the secret to the paint's opalescence was nail polish. He had the largest collection of it I've ever seen.

I learned two things about Sebastian that morning. One was that he had definite artistic aspirations. In fact, he asked me, almost shyly, if he could have a go at designing a stage set for my band. I said that, democracies being what they were, I'd have to ask the rest of the members.

The second thing I learned was more complicated: he seemed to be about as uninhibited about sex as anyone could be, and he was better than most men I'd met about discussing his emotions, too. However, what he was almost pathologically adverse to was any combination of the two.

I wondered whether that could explain his peculiarly cold behaviour the night before. He hadn't comforted Jean in the throes of his identity crisis. He'd used sex as a tool to calm him down. Then later, when he had listened to Jean and I fuck, being all emotional and gooey, he wouldn't join us. He wouldn't even let us touch him.

"How come you just suddenly went all cold and fraternal?" No-one could ever accuse me of not getting straight to the point.

Sebastian looked surprised. "I'm not being cold... am I?" He thought for a moment. "Am I? Maybe I am." He smirked. "I could ravish you on the carpet if you'd like, Shirakins."

Actually, I would have liked that, but I was more interested in the switch. "Don't avoid the issue. You just did the most amazing little flip-flop. I'm interested in why."

He gave me a weary look. "What is it with you and Jean? This overwhelming need to dissect everything... everything's therapy with you two."

"Again, I say avoidance! Address the issue please!" I let the mock-seriousness ring in my voice.

Sebastian grabbed me by the waist, hoisting me up until we were eye to eye and my feet were dangling some distance from the floor. But I was determined not to be cowed by physical intimidation. Resolved to have my answer, I stared him down.

"Miss Shira, didn't your mother ever teach you not to tease lions in their dens?"

I didn't twitch. "No."

He didn't let me go. Instead, he just carried me effortlessly over to a sofa that sat beneath a window and fell onto it, using me for a soft landing. It knocked the wind out of me.

"Ow! You asshole, that hurt!"

"I think I gave you more than adequate warning that you were making me uncomfortable. Now, I have no remorse." He grinned down at me.

"Could you at least shift a little? I can hardly breathe."

He eased some of his weight off me - not very much. "For someone who is seemingly such a good observer of human nature, you don't see very much, do you Shira?"

"Sorry?" Now I was really confused.

"You think it's Jean who doesn't like girls because he doesn't fuck them. Jean loves women; he loves you. He was the one who suggested this whole arrangement, you know. Did he tell you that?"

"No," I squeaked. I was still having trouble breathing. "But I kind of guessed it."

"Now me - I don't much like women, generally speaking." He just lay there on top of me letting it sink in. "I fuck them. I actually love fucking them. But I don't really feel much of an affinity for them."

I couldn't blame him for being honest - it was very honest - but it did make me yearn to knee him hard in the groin and get the fuck out of his house. I would have probably done it had I been able to move my legs.

"Then why did you agree to the arrangement at all?" I spat.

"Because I'm very fond of Jean and I wanted to give him what he desired. Also because you are attractive: fuckable. I believe was the word I used in the bathtub. I wasn't lying, you know. But more than anything, you didn't get up my nose like a lot of women do. You aren't clingy; you don't smother. You're easy to tolerate. I actually really admired your leaving in the morning the way you did. It made me think quite differently about you."

During that short monologue, Sebastian developed something of an erection. It was digging quite painfully into my thigh. Somehow, I just couldn't take it as a compliment. I was a loss for words, so I jkept my mouth shut. Anyway, it turned out that Sebastian wasn't nearly finished.

"So imagine my surprise, Shira, when I find that, upon getting to know you a little better, I rather like you. In fact, I like you a lot. I have definite feelings of affection for you. I'm not going to use 'love' because that would be ridiculous. Not to mention that the word is so cliche it makes me want to gag but, as I said before, I do like you very much. Put yourself in my position."

"I wish I could, but you have about 50 pounds on me, Sebastian."

He ignored the attempt at humour and continued his diatribe. "My position is that, after having exposed my feelings to you, you don't reciprocate them it seems. And, I'll be honest, that hurt."

"What?" I demanded, almost laughing. "What the fuck are you talking about? When did you expose your feelings to me? When?"

"While you were sitting on the table over there. When I told you I liked you - you just ignored it. You gave me absolutely no comfort at all."

Stunned was just too mild a word. I was utterly shocked. "You call that exposing your feelings? I thought you were making a little Sebastian-like, off-handed... Well, I don't even know what to call it. Anyway, you can't expect someone to gush all over you right after you've been playing serious head games with them!"

Actually, now I was angry. I got my elbows underneath me and pushed myself up a little, till our noses were practically rubbing. "Let me be clear with you, Sebastian. I have time for you because Jean adores you. And I love Jean. But I'm not a self-destructive person. I knew - call it intuition - but I knew you didn't like women. I can just see you wooing some poor stupid girl into some comatose state of adoration, and then taking a lot of pleasure in absolutely destroying her. I've heard the rumours about you. And now that I know you a little, I'm pretty sure they're true. If I were to let myself have even the smallest affection for you, I think you'd relish the chance to hurt me."

He looked bitten, and backed off a little. "Why do you think I'd hurt you, Shira?"

I looked in his eyes: dark and impossible to read. "I just do. You scare me, Sebastian. You're so good-looking, and so clever, and so charming, and sexy. Hell, you're even sporting a monster dick - not that I go for that sort of thing, but a lot of women do. And the thing is, Sebastian, if someone had to design a deathtrap for stupid women, you'd be it."

His eyebrows rose, and he smiled. "Why... thank you."

"It's not a compliment. I'm just being honest."

"Yes, you are. Very honest," Sebastian said, his voice quite small. "That's why I like you."

"Yeah. I like you too. It frightens the shit out of me. Remember, I'm not the one who fucks people they don't like!" I moved my elbows and let my head fall back onto the seat of the sofa. "Now, do you think we could just stop being so fucking dysfunctional? Get off me. It's so...suburban."

He attacked my mouth. It wasn't a kiss - that didn't really describe it. He began to eat me alive, sucking at my lips until they hurt, and switching to my tongue. Then he settled down to a slow, sensual grind that involved sliding his tongue in and out of my mouth as if he were fucking it. Meanwhile he was trying to pull his shirt off without breaking contact with my face and pushing the sweater I was wearing up around my neck. Having achieved the right amount of skin contact, he sighed and broke the kiss.

"Would it help if I promised I'd never hurt you?"

"No."

All the adrenalin was ebbing away, leaving me in a state of extreme arousal. I did spare a thought for the fact that I was committing an act of extreme betrayal to my sex by harbouring feelings of affection for a self-confessed misogynist. I did this while being carried shirtless, up the stairs, kissing all the way. It's not often I'm glad I was born so tiny, but just then it seemed very convenient to me.

Jean was emerging from Sebastian's bathroom, all pink and adorably moist from his bath. "What's up, guys?"

"Shira and I have just had a meeting of the minds and now I'm going to tease her until she begs for mercy," said Sebastian, tossing me down onto the bed and crawling on top of me, "Then, I'm going to fuck her senseless."

Jean gave a very Jean-like giggle. "Is this a number one, or can I watch?"

Sebastian looked at me questioningly.

"I'm fine either way, it's up to you," I said.

"I'll be quiet as a mouse..." interjected Jean.

"Okay, but no interfering," said Sebastian. "Agreed?"

Jean made a little 'zipping up my mouth' sign and settled himself on the pile of coats on the couch waiting to be entertained.

 

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